A mythology of a species:
my year as archivist to desolate/delight

As Barbara’s assistant to desolate/delight: a mythology of a species, I expected that my ability to document the seminal points of our evolving practice, including the germane questions and observations evolving from discussion, would be supportive in the progression of the vision of the project. Feedback from the participating members suggests that I was successful on this front, holding a continuous eye to our process, and offering a library of reference.

Through this experiment as an archivist I have discovered that I learn most deeply by engaging in as many learning pathways as available. In this situation I was able to participate through direct participation, listening to what was being said (physically and verbally) in the room, documenting my experience through writing, talking about the group’s experience with Barbara, reading and decoding my notation of both these events, and then writing about my experience for other’s benefit and my synthesization.

My evolution from documenting the forms and conversations to articulating my personal experiences within the frame of the rehearsal evening’s structure grew out of the changing form of our Monday night practice. In the fall we used the form of creating Aunts that were brought in by performers in the group. I would doggedly document each menu created and the highlights of the conversations that occurred after each set. In the winter and spring we evolved to less and less structured solo quad practice, then into the long wave form of Dark and Light (with Sound). The use of the musing stool and free text improv expanded as did the use of the directors chair to side coach material. The menu was often open and the improvs lasted for 45 minute sessions.

I was unsure about how to document something of this magnitude. My process of documentation needed to evolve with the culture. It no longer seemed practical to record the menu elements of the Aunts as we were moving into deeper, more complex compositions, that both relied on the vocabulary of forms, images and disciplines we had developed in our culture, and communicated now without naming.

We were re-membering and recycling images, events, texts and relationships in our compositions while simultaneously working with the present, through our contemplative disciplines of an emphasis on cultivating kinesthetic delight, inviting space to tell us what to do, commitment to returning gently to the present moment, our exploration of mingling mind and movement, and the cultivation of immediate, direct and complete expression. The culture was moving towards group creative mind. Likewise my documentation became more lyrical as I opened to my direct perception and intuition in my recording of our evolution.

Below is an excerpt of my musings from February 4th, 2008.

“How to write about this 45 minute Aunt? When the lights go out the first thing I notice is the beautiful reflection of the lights on the snow from the parking lot through the studio windows. The solo quad space is demarcated with votive candles. This is the first act in the Aunt. I notice the sound of the smooth stones in Cara’s hand and the sound of Christa eating an apple. I yearn to hear text in the space about the process but am to shy to do so myself. As myself, how does the gaze participate as an active part of this laboratory?
Erika and Katherine enter into gorgeous conversation about what’s happening. It seems that the text is most vibrant when talking about in the moment perceptions while keeping track of themes. I feel there was a big shift in the culture that I missed in my absence last week, but that I still understand.”

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My second line of inquiry relating to my taking on the role of documentarian to desolate/delight sprung from my curiosity about the extent to which discern documentation and archival of a form could be constructive to it’s participants and meaningful and useful to others in the field. Since we only met once a week, we devoted most of our time to making work, and little to feedback and questions about the process. Coupled with the reality that the ensemble had an entire week between rehearsals, Barbara was concerned about dissipating energy. I thought that making my documentation accessible to the entire ensemble and hopefully our immediate contemplative dance community in the MFA and Naropa would be a first step in maintaining communication and inviting further discussion. It seems that so often in the creative process moments of beauty and clarity can be forgotten in the press to move forward towards performance. The ability to look backwards with specificity in recall can only be of benefit in building upon successes and avoiding pitfalls.

T o that end I spent many an hour technically trying to figure out how to build a website, and ultimately with the help of my technologically savvy husband (thanks Mike!) learned how to create a blog that I could post archival material to. This became http://desolatedelight2.blogspot.com. At this site each of our 26 rehearsals has been documented, along with comments from Barbara, links to relevant websites, and postings of influential or inspirational articles and manifestos.

A separate blog had already been created at http://desolatedelight.blogspot.com (thanks Miriam!) for posting by the members of the desolate/delight ensemble only. Comments on these posting could be left by anyone else who cared to visit, and we eventually invited the gaze who came to our open Monday evenings to post their reflections on this site. Very few people did, and only a handful of posts from within the ensemble were ever made. Barbara and I continued posting, but then again, we already had weekly face-to-face meetings. Our meetings enhanced, for both of us, our understanding of the project by articulating our observations, feelings and intuitions about our evolution as a culture and then formulating the questions on “the tip of our tongues and minds” that would best guide us in a productive, sustainable and mindful journey.

“The aesthetic nature of desolate/delight reflects a poetic nature versus the theatrical; like painting time with space, objects, people text, connected to the surrealists. the director comes in with a plan and
the ensemble lives the plan in the moment.”
- Barbara Dilley

Many questions were voiced by our culture as we developed. Here are some themes that we explored during our investigation:

Why do we decide to leave or enter an open improv?
Is it because space is telling us to do so, or because anxiety or ego is? How much freedom is tolerable in an improv? What boundaries are necessary? How many boundaries can we relax before neurotic mind creeps up?

What is breaking rules?
Is it an adaptation? A new form appearing? What space is asking for right now? An urge/impulse? A new piece of language that wants to enter the culture? What is our way of harmonizing with the new? Can it be an opportunity to both hold the precision of a form and allow for spontaneous evolution, for deep play?

How can the audience be more included in the laboratory portion of our culture?
Through the five eye practices of direct looking, peripheral looking, looking between objects, infant eyes (or soft gaze/ looking before naming) and eyes closed? How does the audience take it’s clue for participation from the performer? What are we trying to offer to the audience? How the audience looks at us effects what we do, and they will search for context. How can we allow the performer and the gaze (us/them) grow both more open and more deep?

How can we on-the-spot retrieve material from our shared past?
Can we stand not always being clever and original? Can Re-cycle, re-use and re-member build sustainability and deepen our culture?

What supports a unity that is not unison?
What is one-mind-on-the-spot?
What is the difference between a value and an aesthetic?
What is the line between relaxation and rigor?
How does one continue to establish solo space while not denying the presence and influence of others? Inside of an improv can we stay with ourselves and also take direction
What is community?

In the first semester I organized three “dharma and creative process talks”, moderated by Barbara to encourage discussion first amongst those of us in the MFA program involved in desolate/delight and then
into the larger community directly involved in applying contemplative practice to the development of work. These live meetings were a great success, but did not ever evolve into online discussions.

I wonder now if I was too ambitious in my expectations? As technologically savvy as our culture is, many people do not prefer to participate in discussions online, but rather in person. I plan as part of my thesis presentation to share some of my experiences in desolate/delight ideally through a fishbowl discussion.
Listeners to this discussion could be invited to responses on the blogspot. I still wonder if the blog, and the form of writing as a method for articulation can be another pathway to in depth learning and articulation as a creative artist?

It takes more time, but then again, most things worthwhile do.